After my mom killed my dad so much changed so fast. Of course, all of the normal things you would expect from a death but so much more. All of the sudden, I could wear a little makeup, everyone could breathe a little easier, even though my mom was facing murder charges, there was a lighter feel about the air.
At first, we stayed with my mom, in our house (which my aunt, my dad's sister owned) My grandma (mothers mom) came back from Washington state to be with us, it was nice to have her home. My mom had always protected us, did things to take the heat off of us and put it on her. She drank, but not to excess, she did not do drugs. My father kept her very reined it. But then she changed. She went wild almost.
Looking back, I realize that my mom, only 27 years old, facing life in prison after being a prisoner her whole life, was also facing losing her kids, and dealing with the fact she had killed the man she had been with since she was a teen. I can only image what she was thinkng. But there are "back stories" that I have not told yet. Turns out, one of my dad's friends, that had entered our life only the year before, named Hank, had been my mom's boyfriend at 14 before she met my dad. They were very close, in fact, she had ran away with him to SC before she met my dad. I did not know all of this then, nor did my father. Hank's girlfriend became my mom's BF since my dad and Hank were always together, along with another guy named Phil.
Anyway, after my mom killed my dad, somehow her and hank got "reaquainted" even though he was still with my mom's friend. Of course, this was not good because even though my dad's family had sort of been on my mom's side through all of this, they started to feel maybe she had killed my dad for this man. That of course was crazy in my opinion. I do know they resumed their relationship, and I am not naive, I am sure that it happened before he died, but given the crazy things he had been doing, I do not think it was because of him.
Hank was a mean man himself. I can remember that right after my dad died, we started staying out at Hanks with him and his girlfriend a lot. I hated it, my mom started drinking a lot, I saw a side of her I had never seen and didn't know what to do. All of the sudden we were not her priortiy, I was having to care for my brothers while she stayed drunk. We would be out at hank's and the grown ups would stay shut up in a room with a kerosene heater and party while us kids had to fend for ourselves, there was no other heat in the house. I remember fighting with my mom one night there, calling her in the room, throwing all of the cards and games everywhere, yelling at her "what is wrong with you, you dont' take care of us anymore." I said a lot of hurtful things, and I know she was probably scared she was about to spend the rest of her life in jail, but I was terrified too. Not only had my dad just been killed, but I felt like we had lost our mom too.
One day, when Hank and mom were there and his girlfriend, pam was at work, they sent us kids out to play. I went to go in and check on mom, I knew something was up, I tried to go in and the door was locked. It was an old farm house and had several doors, I tried the next one and it was locked also, I started to get pissed and suspicious. I went around to a side door that led to what Hank and Pam used as a bedroom and the door opened a few inches. It had a chain on it, but the handle was not locked, so I could see in through an opening several inches. I saw Hank over top of my mom, in the bed, naked, having sex. I was sick. I screamed at them and started ramming my shoulder into the door, trying to get in. I yelled I was going to tell Pam and called my mom a whore. I ran off then. A few minutes later Hank comes out, chases me down and throws me in the car. He took me down the road and told me that I was a kid, did not understand what was going on and if I told anyone what I saw he would hurt me. Needless to say, I did not tell.
That weekendI went to stay with my aunt and left my brothers alone with them. to this day I cannot forgive myself, for what happened. For some reason, Hank got mad at my little brothers, who were only 7 and 8 so he locked them into a crawl space under the stair case. No light, no heat, no food. from what they told me they were there for a very long time. When I found out what happened I remember going bat shit, I tore things up at home, screamed at my mom, poured out all her beer and liquor and just went off. Mom got mad, yelled at me, told me she was the adult etc... I told her to act like it then.
From that point forward, I got into the habit of pouring out any alcohol my mom had. By now, my dad's family, who had supported my mom, start to think bad of her, they started to think she did this for Hank. And while I understand they got upset with her, I do not believe she did this for a man, I believe my father would have killed us all or at least our mom. My grandma started telling the DA about my mom and Hank and so the DA started trying to build a case that she killed him for another man. They all said since her and Hank had been young lovers, they plotted this together to be together again, saying that my dad would have never allowed my mom to leave him.
I did not realize it at the time, but this is what led my mom to Phil. Phil was the other guy that hang out with my dad and Hank. I remember one night, my mom was drinking and Phil were partying and they were drinking, I was trying to sleep but the stereo was loud. I will neverr forget "Islands in the stream" was playing by Dolly Parton and kenny Rogers, my mom was up dancing and singing the song to Phil. I walked in and went off again. My mom and I argued and I went to bed. Later that night, I woke again, and could hear he was still there so I snuck up. We had a big aquarium tank (empty) sitting in the living room across from my door, so I could see the couch through it and I saw the two of them, on the couch having sex.
This tore my guts out. This was the second man I had caught my mom with since the two months my dad had been dead. I realized I had no idea what to do. I could not make my mom, the mom I had always known come back to us...