Monday, December 20, 2010

The aftermath

After my mom killed my dad so much changed so fast.  Of course, all of the normal things you would expect from a death but so much more.  All of the sudden, I could wear a little makeup, everyone could breathe a little easier, even though my mom was facing murder charges, there was a lighter feel about the air.

At first, we stayed with my mom, in our house (which my aunt, my dad's sister owned)  My grandma (mothers mom) came back from Washington state to be with us, it was nice to have her home.  My mom had always protected us, did things to take the heat off of us and put it on her.  She drank, but not to excess, she did not do drugs.  My father kept her very reined it.  But then she changed.  She went wild almost.

Looking  back, I realize that my mom, only 27 years old, facing life in prison after being a prisoner her whole life, was also facing losing her kids, and dealing with the fact she had killed the man she had been with since she was a teen.  I can only image what she was thinkng.  But there are "back stories" that I have not told yet.  Turns out, one of my dad's friends, that had entered our life only the year before, named Hank, had been my mom's boyfriend at 14 before she met my dad.  They were very close, in fact, she had ran away with him to SC before she met my dad.  I did not know all of this then, nor did my father.  Hank's girlfriend became my mom's BF since my dad and Hank were always together, along with another guy named Phil.

Anyway, after my mom killed my dad, somehow her and hank got "reaquainted" even though he was still with my mom's friend.  Of course, this was not good because even though my dad's family had sort of been on my mom's side through all of this, they started to feel maybe she had killed my dad for this man.  That of course was crazy in my opinion.  I do know they resumed their relationship, and I am not naive, I am sure that it happened before he died, but given the crazy things he had been doing, I do not think it was because of him.

Hank was a mean man himself.  I can remember that right after my dad died, we started staying out at Hanks with him and his girlfriend a lot.  I hated it, my mom started drinking a lot, I saw a side of her I had never seen and didn't know what to do.  All of the sudden we were not her priortiy, I was having to care for my brothers while she stayed drunk.  We would be out at hank's and the grown ups would stay shut up in a room with a kerosene heater and party while us kids had to fend for ourselves, there was no other heat in the house.  I remember fighting with my mom one night there, calling her in the room, throwing all of the cards and games everywhere, yelling at her  "what is wrong with you, you dont' take care of us anymore."  I said a lot of hurtful things, and I know she was probably scared she was about to spend the rest of her life in jail, but I was terrified too.  Not only had my dad just been killed, but I felt like we had lost our mom too.

One day, when Hank and mom were there and his girlfriend, pam was at work, they sent us kids out to play.  I went to go in and check on mom, I knew something was up, I tried to go in and the door was locked.  It was an old farm house and had several doors, I tried the next one and it was locked also, I started to get pissed and suspicious.  I went around to a side door that led to what Hank and Pam used as a bedroom and the door opened a few inches.  It had a chain on it, but the handle was not locked, so I could see in through an opening several inches.  I saw Hank over top of my mom, in the bed, naked, having sex.  I was sick.  I screamed at them and started ramming my shoulder into the door, trying to get in.  I yelled I was going to tell Pam and called my mom a whore.  I ran off then.  A few minutes later Hank comes out, chases me down and throws me in the car.  He took me down the road and told me that I was a kid, did not understand what was going on and if I told anyone what I saw he would hurt me.  Needless to say, I did not tell.

That weekendI went to stay with my aunt and left my brothers alone with them.  to this day I cannot forgive myself, for what happened.  For some reason, Hank got mad at my little brothers, who were only 7 and 8 so he locked them into a crawl space under the stair case. No light, no heat, no food.  from what they told me they were there for a very long time.  When I found out what happened I remember going bat shit,  I tore things up at home, screamed at my mom, poured out all her beer and liquor and just went off.  Mom got mad, yelled at me, told me  she was the adult etc...  I told her to act like it then.

From that point forward, I got into the habit of pouring out any alcohol my mom had.  By now, my dad's family, who had supported my mom, start to think bad of her, they started to think she did this for Hank.  And while I understand they got upset with her, I do not believe she did this for a man, I believe my father would have killed us all or at least our mom.  My grandma started telling the DA about my mom and Hank and so the DA started trying to build a case that she killed him for another man.  They all said since her and Hank had been young lovers, they plotted this together to be together again, saying that my dad would have never allowed my mom to leave him.

I did not realize it at the time, but this is what led my mom to Phil.  Phil was the other guy that hang out with  my dad and Hank.  I remember one night, my mom was drinking and Phil were partying and they were drinking, I was trying to sleep but the stereo was loud.  I will neverr forget "Islands in the stream" was playing by Dolly Parton and kenny Rogers, my mom was up dancing and singing the song to Phil.  I walked in and went off again.  My mom and I argued and I went to bed.  Later that night, I woke again, and could hear he was still there so I snuck up. We had a big aquarium tank (empty) sitting in the living room across from my door, so I could see the couch through it and I saw the two of them, on the couch having sex.

This tore my guts out. This was the second man I had caught my mom with since the two months my dad had been dead.  I realized I had no idea what to do. I could not make my mom, the mom I had always known come back to us...


  1. Very useful article content. the information that you shown is amazing and most notably i liked the way you provided things here. Really, the concept is real time applicable and as per the current demand of the internet user society.

  2. You struck out completely in the parents department. Horrible as he was, maybe your Dad wasn't too far off to be suspicious of your mother's will to be faithful. You seem to try to excuse her behavior a bit by talking about the threat of prison - but anyone over the age of 5 should know that that is a reason to be circumspect in order to help one's own case at trial. Your mother was as irresponsible as your father, even if she was not as evil. Clearly she allowed any man to do anything to her children that they pleased. Once a person has become a parent, that person has given up the right to behave any old way. You are in no way responsible for anything that happened to your brothers, but your mother is 100% responsible. You had lousy parents, and the only thing you can do now is be a better parent. I suggest you let your children see that the loutish behavior of your grown brothers can NOT pull your attention away from the decent man that you married. It is not just your husband who is cheated when you let your brothers (or their families) draw you into their bad situations, but more importantly those young eyes that see what kind of behavior gets the most attention from Mom. Your brothers learned from your father and his friends how to be men, even if they claim that they don't recall any of it (and at 7 years old, believe me, they DO remember a lot, even if it is below their conscious memory). It sounds like killing your father was the only responsible thing your mother did. That is pretty sad.

  3. That is horrible what you had to go through after losing your dad. I mean I can understand how she would self destruct after what happened because she probably felt hopeless and guilty about what happened and just didn't know what to do with those feelings. I can't imagine what went through your head when you saw her having sex with those men. I can't imagine ever seeing that with my parents and at such a young age. By they way, I think the first comment is spam. If you click on the username, it's just a webpage trying to get you to to buy tickets. Plus the comment sounded like sometihng a computer would write. LOL

  4. This is... disturbing. Sorry. I had to say it. And you got through it all?

    You're amazing. Has anyone told you that?

    And I agree... it was never your fault. None of it. You can't control another person, even if you want to.

  5. The information a realistic look at the situation. Much appreciation, at least from me for the great, It is nice to see thoughts that are informative effective in nature.

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